


20 Questions Strikes Back--Hobbies

by jdrush



Series: 20 Questions [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humour, M/M, Pre-Slash, with a few stage directions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 12:04:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdrush/pseuds/jdrush
Summary: Sherlock needs a hobby.  The author needs one, too.





	20 Questions Strikes Back--Hobbies

TITLE: 20 Questions Strikes Back--Hobbies  
AUTHOR: J.D. Rush  
FANDOM: Sherlock BBC1  
PAIRING: Sherlock/John  
RATING: PG, for implied M/M sexual situations  
SUMMARY: Sherlock needs a hobby. The author needs one, too.  
DISCLAIMER: Still owned by Sir A.C. Doyle and BBC1.   
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is another silly fic in the “20 Questions” style. Doesn’t really fit into the series; just wanted to write it for fun.

 

*Sherlock, draped dramatically across sofa* “Bored, bored, bored. Bloody bored. Unbelievably bloody bored.”

*John, reading newspaper in his comfy chair* “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

“I’m telling you, John, if something interesting doesn’t happen soon, I will lose my mind!”

“Thought you already had.”

“If you’re not going to add anything constructive to this conversation, please don’t bother wasting your breath or my time on pointless quips.”

“Has it ever occurred to you, Sherlock, that if you actually DID anything once in a while, instead of laying around. . .”

“I’m not just ‘laying around’. I’m contemplating.”

“. . . that you wouldn’t be so bored all the time?”

“And what do you propose I do?”

“I don’t know. We could use some groceries.”

“Oh, not THIS tiresome discussion again!”

“I’m just saying. . .”

“Look, I give you money, you buy the groceries. The system works. It’s hardly worth fixing if it’s not broke in the first place.”

“Fine. If you’re not going to do anything practical, you could always pick up a hobby.”

“Hobbies are boring.”

“You think everything is boring.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t quite see myself collecting stamps or porcelain tea cups from every tube stop in London.”

“There are lots of other hobbies besides collecting things.”

“Name one.” 

“Exercise is good. You could join a gym.”

“I get quite enough exercise cleaning up the Yard’s messes, thank you very much.”

“There’s painting.”

“Pictures depicting bowls of fruit or dogs playing cards are hardly inspiring.”

“Then take an art class. Human physiology. Nude models.”

“I see plenty of that at Bart’s.”

“You like music. You could learn to play an instrument.”

“I already play the violin.”

“A different instrument.”

“You knew about my violin playing when you moved in. It’s non-negotiable.”

“Not even a little negotiable?”

“And for your information, my violin is not a hobby. It’s a means to an end.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Then enlighten me.”

“It stills my mind, helps me think. If I could achieve the same sense of peace and focus in a different way, I’d do it.”

“What about sex?”

“I wasn’t aware that sex was a hobby.”

“Well, for some people. But I was thinking more as a substitute for your violin playing.”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m really not. It’s relaxing. Distracting. It would occupy your mind for a while, help you concentrate on something other than your racing thoughts and stifling boredom.”

“It’s also messy and sweaty and dirty.”

“When it’s done right, yeah.”

“And it’s common.”

“Come again?”

“It’s a bodily need, not a mental one.”

“Oh, you mean like eating and sleeping.”

“Exactly.”

“Something only COMMON people want or need.”

“Precisely.”

“Ah. I had forgotten that you’re so much more evolved than the rest of us mere undisciplined mortals, far beyond the desire for such petty necessities.”

“Stop being snide, John. And yes, sex is a petty need that most people invest far too much time and energy acquiring. Time and energy they could use engaging their brains for more important pursuits.”

“You know, many people believe the brain to be the most important sex organ we have.”

*long pause, intrigued* “Go on. I’m listening.”

“Imagining. Fantasizing. Anticipating. Processing sights, sounds, tastes, scents, textures. All mental activities. All part of the sexual experience.”

“I can’t believe you’re implying that a good wanking session will enhance my intellectual endeavors.”

“It could. But it’s more satisfying--not to mention more fun--with someone else.”

“It’s also more complicated, what with having to worry about someone else’s wants and feelings and pleasure.”

“Ahhh. . .but if you’re thinking about all THAT, then your mind will be happily stimulated and won’t rot from disuse.”

“That is perhaps the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, considering your past interactions with Anderson, I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Of course, there is one little fly in the ointment, so to speak.”

“And that is?”

“Where, exactly, am I to find someone to join me in these beneficial mental excursions?”

“Oh, I don’t know . .” *points nonchalantly to self*

“YOU?!”

“Why not? I do everything else for you. What’s a little slap and tickle once in a while?”

“So. . .you’re saying that you’d be willing to have sex with me--on occasion--to relieve my ennui?”

“Sure.”

“And what’s in it for you?”

“Seriously?”

“Well, I KNOW that. I mean, WHY do you want to. . .you know. . .with me?

“You really don’t know?”

“Know what?”

*grabs Sherlock by the lapels of his dressing gown and plants a long, lustful kiss on his surprised lips, leaving the great detective stunned and breathless*

“Does THAT answer your question?”

“John, was this entire conversation nothing more than a clumsy ruse to get into my pants?”

“Did it work?”

*pulls John on top on him on sofa* “Most definitely.”

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting some of my old stories to my AO3 account. This one was originally posted to my livejournal in January, 2011.


End file.
